I feel excluded from the world
I was born in the vibrant 1950s, in a mountain house immersed in the life of a large family. My childhood was a lively painting full of joy and laughter. I was a true whirlwind of energy, but sometimes I found myself caught in a deep silence that enveloped me completely. I felt the weight of a profound fear of being different, of remaining isolated even in the midst of the crowd. Until one morning at school, watching the sun filtering through the window, I was enchanted by the play of light on the floor. I heard the laughter and voices of my classmates becoming more distant, belonging to another world from which I felt excluded. Absorbed in that beam of light, I felt as if I had been thrown out of a dream, exploded out of my body. In that split second, I deeply understood that the reality I was used to was not true. I was not that person.
I want to soar into the sky
The 1970s found me in the midst of adolescence, my spirit split in two: on one side, the suffocation caused by family expectations, on the other, an incessant cry for freedom. My heart, stretched between intense conflicting emotions, felt misunderstood by everyone. The isolation was overwhelming, the feeling of being trapped in a web of restrictive and oppressive expectations was unbearable. Yet, a desire for belonging and to give meaning to life beyond merely following in others' footsteps was making its way in me. "Where did I come from? What am I doing here? Who am I?" These thoughts filled my mind. I wanted to fly away from that nest that had become too tight. The unknown fascinated me, although I was terrified of it. How infinite and distant seemed the moment when I could spread my wings and soar into the sky of my dreams.
Now the world is all mine
Then, that moment came. I left behind that heavy baggage and began traveling from one continent to another. Now the world was all mine, I was carefree, apparently. I lived like a sadhu, a wandering monk, without even knowing it. I stayed in one place only for a brief moment, then fled again, continuing to explore. Each nest momentarily offered me that sense of warmth, belonging, intimacy that, without knowing it, I was desperately seeking. But what could ever placate such a deep call, originating from a source inaccessible to the mind? Those were turbulent years; I was caught in the parabolic turns of my mind and that of those around me, alternating between joy, excitement, and fear. I went where it was obvious the next step should be, without hesitation. There were no restrictions or rules except a profound sense of not harming myself or others.
I seek my Master
And then, my last flight to India. An endless journey lasting years, unparalleled. I finally reached Tibet, suspended between sky and earth, in a realm where silence and solitude reigned supreme and where the language of the gods was spoken. I participated in pilgrimages in the company of wise men, extraordinary women, divine children, luminous elders, and precious yaks. I lived immersed in constant wonder, deep solitude, immense joy, and still intense fear and frustration. And at dawn on a festive day, I once again heard the friendly motto echoing strongly, "Move on." Just as Tibet had swallowed me up, it now spat me out. The flight continued, my wings had strengthened, and now at least I knew what I was looking for: 'my Master'! I returned to India, welcomed by the generous mother of that holy land that holds within its womb the ancient wisdom and enlightened masters of all time.
She will bring happiness to the world
My heart sought liberation from all ignorance and mental subjugation. Amid encounters with travelers from all over the world and seemingly insurmountable challenges, faith, humility, patience, courage, and resilience became constant allies. It was there, among the scent of incense, walking on dusty roads under the burning sun, that I met the gaze of one who turned out to be the Buddha in flesh and blood. The dawn of my life began in that room at Papaji's house. The Master, with a direct and penetrating look, dissolved every attempt at seeking, annihilating time itself. In that instant of deep connection with Papaji, a universal truth was revealed. His words, despite the silence of neutralized systems, those words resonated like a divine, irrefutable command. "She will bring happiness to the world."